I dunno how I should explain this…

On the day where everyone I thought I went fast, I merely prayed desperately to God for smoothe strokes. But, when I paddled, my speed felt the same as usual. I looked around and saw how unusually slow the others were that day. It was a strange occurence and the next few days of rumors of me being the third fastest spread around.

I felt a little happy cuz part of my goals was achieved. But it felt wrong for some reason, like I took advantage of the tiredness of others to go… fast? So my pride sunk upon realisation and felt irritated when others called me fast when merely they were just tired…

The next training on Friday, I felt like my adrenalin level dropped drastically. Kinda felt like stopping every 6 strokes. It was hard to paddle and remain stable. My hands still feel shaky and legs wobbly for some reason. I don’t feel like my energy’s low, rather I lost my drive to go fast(?).

I dunno how to explain it but that’s how I felt…

…

I prayed and it worked!?(I mean like the more immediate one)

My… sore throat just instantly vanished right after praying at the FOP…

…

That’s really cool.

Oh, so anime do somehow apply to us…

Look at the charts.

International educational math scores (2007) (4th graders average score, TIMSS International Math and Science Study, 2007)
Countries: (sample)	Maths
	Score
Hong Kong	607
Singapore	599
Asian American	582
Taiwan	576
Japan	568
European American	550
Kazakhstan	549
Russia	544
Austria	505
Hispanic American	504
Sweden	503
New Zealand	492
African American	482
Norway	473
Highlights From TIMSS 2007

It’s hard to remain in those blissful times

I recalled a time, where I wondered about the world of the bespectacled… a limited range of vision… an enclosed space of scenery… when I still had excellent eyesight.

Now when I look back, I realised how much I’ve changed throughout the past 7 years. The influecing of art, the stress accumulated, the Higher
Chinese Hardships, sound based studying methods, the changing of spectacle lens, the strange dream occurences, graduation, the knowing of God, the weight gain, the pain of trying out a new skill, the loss of my best friend…

Soon, I was already 14. My mind became much more complex, as can be seen from the oldest entries in this blog. I got stressed just by being beaten, I changed my dieting habits, I became better at financial management, became serious in several aspects, slept late, woke up earlier, my lies all replaced by truthful words, my memories rewritten, my body and mind became numb…

All I just wanted was to experience those fun times, rather than the sometimes empty ones now. Hey, I wonder if I’m getting senile?

Sleepy… *yawn*

I just realised how emo my posts got lately, must be my Heart to Heart Personal Time…

Hm… I think I’ve gotten slimmer but I still weigh the same so no progress made… *munch munch*

SAI’s fun… now that its active again… *yawns*

Brushing up on my Maths and Literature and I think I see improvements, finally a good score like 18/20 in a test first time in Secondary School…

My uniform’s tucking out on its own… think must be slimming down but I just wanna get lighter… not thinner, though still nice… *yawns*

Last night, the dream…

I had yet another dream last night.

I was piloting an unknown aircraft, smiling through the transparent glass at my opponent, a friend whom I knew in my childhood, piloting a runic sky beetle. As the green light flashed, I pressed down hard on the wheel which led to the bursting of the thrusters.

I made sure I was always in front of him, blocking his opportunities of overtaking. When I changed the direction, a jerk felt and I was suddenly whooshed to another dream…

A memory where I was balancing in the K1 raptor by straightening my arms and moving them towards the right side. I capsized however, despite my attempt of balancing myself. My heavy mind and body suddenly felt light as I sank deeper into the murky waters. It was blurry and dark underwater, but I had my eyes steadily kept unto the big shimmering white amongst the crowding myrtle. The waters got deeper than usual and changed from fern green to teal.  My eyes hurt and my body cold. Then, my body began shimmering in a faint glow like that of fish scales…

I forogt what I was thinking of or whispering then, but a sentence infringed into my head… “I’m sorry for having a numbed heart.”

I didn’t know whyor what I meant by I said then. Soon after, my body leapt out of the water and fell from the sky like a meteor.  I closed my eyes…

I dunno why but my heart actually felt something in a long while

This time it was much more vivid than those casual vibes. I felt my heart quinch for the first time in a long while. The sensation felt was alike that of grief that it nearly made me tear. It was like my heart was just pinched real hard and then pulled back and forth, torturing the soul.

I was bathing and having my personal time, my Heart to Heart(HTH) with the inner me and God. I was praying for Aldred and JingWei when I came to the part of the disapproval. I was like… “Why do humans generally get so biased when provoked? Can’t I help in any way? Think brain think!”

My heart then broke into a googol pieces, like as the first paragraph describes. I could feel my facial muscles twitch in every nerve and my eyes in burning soreness. Those salty droplets of water called tears nearly fell out of my eyes in spite it was hard to diffrentiate from the showering pours, but I could tell that it stang.

I really had no idea what that emotion was about but it sure did break my heart, like how it would break Dad’s…